Life Happens. And I Love It.

I have not done well at keeping up here.

Life happens.

Kids (and all their stuff ranging from art projects to dentist appointments to field trips) running, crosstraining workouts, Mike's schedule, social stuff with friends, church activities, being involved in the city's cycling organization. M will be beginning soccer next month(and later, cross-country!) and J. will be in gymnastics all summer. Once school's out, both will resume their summer swimming lessons at the Y. 

There will be beach trips and fishing and camping and kids' races and church summer camp and "college for kids" courses put on by nearby PennState Behrend.

Oh, and I'm running 30 miles a week, and I begin training for a marathon soon. That's the part where I get to burn out the stress and anxiety and planning of all the above.

 I have more going on now than I ever had. Sometimes it's just right. Sometimes it's a little much. I'm happy, though. Happy in a kind of serene way.

Even though being a stay-at-home mom has its boring, not-fun times, and having a husband who works many and irregular hours (out of town this week for work) can be difficult, I know it's a phase that is soon ending. So I'm just trying to enjoy the parts about it that are pleasant… like wearing pjs until 10:00am.

Even though being a parent never gets easier, my kids are becoming more self-sufficient. They're learning and growing into fascinating little people.

Even though I'm not exactly (yet) where I want to be with running, and worry about getting injured again, I'm feeling strong. I'm progressing rapidly and am better attuned to my body than I have ever been.

Maybe I've just learned to feel peace in my current state, even it's not at the pinnacle of what and where I want to be?

Maybe I look at a running friend with life-altering cancer diagnosis, a mom who fostered a newborn baby for 3 months and soon will be handing her back to her birth mom, and an old acquaintance losing a spouse to a heart attack, and I think: that could be me. 

Maybe I'm even finding ways to create pleasure out of the non-perfection...

Like just the kiddos and me going out for dinner. On a Tuesday evening, because lots of places have kids-eat-free then.

Like going to the library and picking up some books for these long evenings without my husband.

Like planning to run a 5k, knowing that it won't be a PR but just being thrilled to race again.

Like a slow, lazy morning of making granola and sipping coffee as cool spring rain patters on the windowpanes.

Like letting the littles take turns sleeping with me instead of tossing and turning in an empty bed (I hate my bed without Mike in it).

Or maybe it's that what we think of as non-perfection and life being stressful and messy is actually, the best in life that others long for and don't get. The widow who would give everything for a busy husband if it meant he were alive... the grieving foster mom who just volunteered a piece of her heart that she'll never get back... the runner who would trade for an MRI image of a stress fracture instead of the test result she got.

Tomorrow evening my husband returns to me and our kids. We're healthy, we're together, we're fine. In that alone, my cup is full and running over. No matter how messy or mundane life can become. 

I get to (mostly) relax Friday and Saturday and not have to worry about fitting in a long run. My upcoming 5k is Saturday night. I feel ready, despite not having raced in 5 months.The speed workouts have been on point. No PR, though, so soon after injury. I just want to race strongly for a benchmark as I launch my racing season.

The weather for the weekend is shaping up beautifully, with race night looking to be calm, clear, and in the low 50s. Mike and the kids are coming along to spectate. We'll grab some food, coffee and hot chocolate somewhere afterward. Sunday will be more R & R, and maybe a long bike ride. A few of our recent weekends have been crazy and full, so this is a welcome respite.

Lately I'm finding much contentment and pleasure in small, mostly insignificant things...

The way the newly blooming crocuses peep out of the soil. Fresh cut vegetables creating a stir-fry rainbow in my cast iron skillet. My children's laughter. The smell of laundry soap. Cookies, cooling on the kitchen table. A song in Sunday morning church that moves me to tears. A hot bath and a glass of wine. My husband's fingers running through my hair as I doze off with my head in his lap while we're watching an Indians game on TV. Sharing a piece of chocolate with my daughter. Opening the blinds and reveling in the morning sunshine. 

Life is happening and I am loving it.